everything you say is so obnoxious, funny, true and mean

Gosh, where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday summer was at its peak and I was blogging almost daily, but already it’s autumn and I can hardly find the time to sleep, let alone blog. Ay, joder.

So lately I’ve been very occupied with school and work. I work three days a week, memorizing and applying the rules of the Canadian Press, and the other four days I’m working my wonderful, albeit taxing job at the bookstore. Funnily enough, both of these activities, which no one forced me into, are becoming a living hell. I guess they’d both me more enjoyably without the other, but I’m not willing to give up my diploma or my pay checks, so I’ll suck it up.

A few hours ago I was at Java House on Queen St. West, interviewing the lads from Elias, a Vancouver indie rock trio. The interview was very relaxed. I sipped water and scribbled frantically as I tried to hear the band over the early-nineties rap blaring in the background.  The band was very talkative, which was nice. As I left the café, I felt rejuvenated and remembered why I chose journalism in the first place. I like talking to people and getting their stories. I enjoy that more than the writing itself. I was supposed to check out their show tonight, but it turns out that I have work tomorrow at 8:30 am, which makes any late-night music-listening impractical. Ah well.

There are a lot of different issues and developments in the world of fashion, music and news that I’d like to touch on tonight, but that Elias profile won’t write itself so I’d better get on that. I just wanted to post and let people know that no, I am not dead and yes, I do still intend to write for Ironic Smirk. It’s still my favourite outlet for personal expression.

For your listening pleasure, here is ‘Flower’ by Liz Phair. This dirty ditty from decades (well, decade) past has helped me not take myself too seriously during these last few crazy weeks. The lyric I used in the title of this post is probably the cleanest lyric in the entire song. Enjoy!

xoxo Allyssia

 

Lindsay Lohan’s Ungaro Debut (motion sickness bags sold seperately)

These last two weeks have been hectic, to say the very least. In those few weeks I’ve suffered the pains of a footwear-related strain, betrayed my school by deciding to contribute to (gasp!) one of U of T’s student newspapers, suffered a brief crisis and made plans to go up north for a weekend. Oh, and I think I did some schoolwork and worked some hours at a bookstore. No big.

I can hardly afford to write this post right now (academia beckons), but I do feel obliged to do so, so here it is.

Remember when I said that I couldn’t stand celebrity fashion designers? Lindsay Lohan’s debut collection as Artistic Advisor at Ungaro, which had the nerve to show at Paris Fashion Week, only proves how right I am to distrust the lot of them completely. Here are some of the lowlights. I would include highlights if the collection actually, you know, had any. 

This looks like Barbie's attempt at knocking off Hervé Léger's Spring 09 collection. Look it up and you'll see what I mean.

#1: That is one fugly bandeau. #2: Is that a sequined heart in the middle? It looks like it belongs on some kindergarden student's backpack. Awful.

I understand that the illusion of long legs is desirable, but this is just all wrong. The model looks both fat and 50.

 

Just...no. We're not 5, and neither is Lohan.

Could hideous, cheap-looking, dead animals replace the blazer as spring's premiere source of warmth? Of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

 

Yes, that is indeed a nipple pastie. A silver one, at that. God only knows why LiLo's trying to bring attention to something that women have been trying so hard to conceal?

Now, before you assume that I’m some jealous bitch, please consider the fact that every major fashion critic has panned this horrible excuse for a collection. Women’s Wear Daily went so far as to call it “an embarrassment.” Wise words.

Clearly LiLo should stick to acting. I don’t think I’m the only one who’d appreciate a Mean Girls II.

but that just made me weaker still

This week has, so far, been very hectic to say the very least. Between school, friends, writing, nursing an unpleasant eyelid infection and the other things that have been keeping me busy, I’ve hardly had the time to just have a good nap, which is a shame. I’m not too worried though. I’ve been having too much fun to worry about missing a couple hours of unproductiveness.

Earlier this week I got to interview this stellar, Toronto band called Make Your Exit at AKIN Collective. The guys were cool and we had a lot of fun hanging out and talking about their new album, Remind Me The Reason I Came. So much fun in fact, that the interview lasted for an hour instead of a half hour that I’d planned. Lucky for me, the guys generously offered to put me on the guest list for their show/CD release party this Friday i.e. tomorrow. Being both a fashion fiend and a music-lover, my concerns for the night are divided into whether or not the show will be good and what I’m going to be wearing. Clearly I’m an academic.

I don’t really have anything to rant and rave about today. I’m just enjoying my few minutes of quiet solitude before I have to start getting ready for the J-School semi formal tonight. It’s not even a dance. It’s a comedy show. I guess that’s a good thing because who knows how well journalism kids can dance? Do journalists dance in general?  In any case, I’ll be posting photos from the event here at some point because you know, photos capture memories.

Memories…all alone in the moonlight…

That’s enough of that.

Now, I would put up a Make Your Exit song here, but they don’t have any videos on YouTube so we’re out of luck. Until they do, please enjoy “Things Ain’t Like They Used To Be” by the Black Keys. If you like the sound this song but also enjoy more positive lyrics, you’ll like Make Your Exit. If you’re in the neighbourhood Friday, come check them out at Sneaky Dee’s at 9pm. 

xoxo Allyssia

new Black Keys hip-hop joint…there’s nothing like you

Believe it or not, these guys are putting out a (potentially mind-blowing) hip-hop album.

While browsing other music blogs recently, I stumbled upon something I’d been anticipating but not expecting: the first single off of The Black Keys’ hip-hop album. I almost died.

Now, for those of you just joining the program now, The Black Keys, a blues-rock duo popular among indie rock circles, is putting out a hip-hop collaboration album on November 27th under the name “BlakRoc”. This album isn’t some lame indie effort either. Many big-name rappers, including Mos Def, Jim Jones, Ludacris, Q-Tip, Billy Danze and the ever-talented RZA, are involved in this. To top things off, the album is being released by Damon Dash. Needless to say, my expectations are hitting the roof.

The Black Keys are one of my favourite bands and if anyone can manage to pull off an amazing rap-rock album, it’s them. My biggest hope is that this album will prove to rap-hating rockers that rap music isn’t all bitches and automobiles. It can actually be fun, insightful, and emotional.

If you’re having your doubts about the album or don’t think that the boys will be able to pull off such an ambitious project (fusing rock and rap? How groundbreaking!), take a listen to the first track leaked to the public. Here’s “Ain’t Nothing Like You (Hoochie Coo)”, featuring Mos Def and Jim Jones. Personally, I like it quite a bit (it’s sultry and mellow like the rest of their music) and I will definitely be purchasing and reviewing the album as soon as it hits store.

xoxo Allyssia

 

best and worst page-to-screen adaptations

Working at a book store, I have a lot of free time to think about books. Recently, with the Toronto International Film Festival going on, I’ve been thinking more and more about books being turned into films and vice versa (well, not really the latter).

For the most part I’ve found that film adaptations of books are rarely as good as the books they’re based off of. This is usually because filmmakers, who have to rely on the visual and face time limits, cannot translate what we like most about books – the vivid descriptions, the poetry of the language, the inner monologue of the characters – onto the screen. There are cases, however, where the movie adaptation is far more enjoyable than their written counterpart. These movies inject the stories with a dose of energy and life that no page can contain.

Anyways, if you’re bored one evening and too lazy to read a book, here’s a list of page-to-screen adaptations to look out for or avoid.

1. Lolita (book) by Vladimir Nabokov =  Lolita (film) by Stanley Kubrick

For your own good, DO NOT let cinema snobs convince you to watch this movie. I don’t care how much they rant about its deep social commentary or the subtle way that Kubrick approaches the sexual relationship between the lead characters. Just say no.

If you haven’t read the book, you will be disappointed by how boring the movie is. I literally fell asleep the first time I tried watching it. The plot moves as slowly as wind on the Moon, and there are absolutely no characters worth rooting for or sympathizing with. If you have read the book, you will be offended by how Kubrick managed to turn a well-written, memorable book into a one-dimensional, forgettable film.

The movie’s slogan asks, “How did they ever make a movie of Lolita?” I can tell you how: very badly.

FAIL

2. Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk = Fight Club by David Fincher

A story about bare-knuckle fighting, a guy with multiple personalities, and discontent in American society? You’d almost think that Fight Club had been a movie first but alas, it was indeed conceived on the page.

What makes the movie such a great adaptation is that it manages to entertain while still addressing the major, “intellectual” themes of the book. This means that we get to see grown-men beating the hell out of each other and still learn about the state of modern masculinity. The fact that the movie’s central characters are played by the talented Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, and Helena Bonham Carter doesn’t hurt either.

WIN

3. A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett = A Little Princess by Alfonso Cuaron

I had to include this one on the list. It was been one of my favourite films since I was 4 years old. The plot of the movie deviates from that of the book a lot, but it still manages to keep true to the parts that matter: a little girl loses her father and her riches but still manages to struggle against adversity and maintain her dignity. Oh, and the movie happens in a school just like in the book! The film also adds a commentary on racism that was alive during WWI, which the book lacked. It’s doesn’t better the story, but it offers an interesting twist.

What’s best about this film, however, is the amazing combination of music, art direction, and cinematography. This film offers just as much to the cinema buff as it does the story fiend.

WIN

4. Watchmen  by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons = Watchmen by Zack Snyder

I’m the last one to call The Watchmen a book, but it is only by giving it the pretentious moniker of “graphic novel” i.e. long comic book, I am able to criticize it, so I’ll put my views aside for now.

I almost fell asleep three times while this movie was on, and I saw it opening night with at least a hundred other fans sitting around me. Yes, not even the energy of a gaggle of fan-boys and geek girls could keep me awake. If it wasn’t for the annoying soundtrack, awkward sex scene, and unnecessary violence, I’d probably have been asleep after the first glimpse of Doctor Manhattan’s glowing blue penis.

What makes this a “special” movie is that the majority of the storyboards were taken directly out of the comic graphic novel, as was the soundtrack, in attempt to stay true to the original work. Apparently they couldn’t even succeed in that because Alan Moore, the original writer, hated the movie as much as I did.

Who will watch the Watchmen? Hopefully no one.  

FAIL

5. The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman = The Golden Compass by Chris Weitz

This movie was actually voted the most disappointing film adaptation ever according to Entertainment Weekly, so you can probably gather that it’s pretty bad. It wasn’t only bad though: it was downright confusing. The film tries to add so many twists, characters, and plot lines to the movie that it becomes hard to keep your basic facts straight, like which dæmon belongs to whom, or why you’re wasting your time watching such a crappy movie when you could be out whitewashing a fence, or doing hard labour.

Oh, and the little girl playing the lead? Let’s just say she’s no Jodie Foster.

FAIL

6. Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Truman Capote = Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Blake Edwards

This probably the best movie you’ll ever watch about prostitutes.

The majority of people don’t know that Breakfast at Tiffany’s started off as a book (it was a novella, to be exact). But judging by how different the book is from the movie, that knowledge wouldn’t been worth anything. The book and the movie have little in common aside from the character names, the title, and the major plot points. Strangely, this doesn’t make the film, which anyone will tell you is iconic, especially bad.

My brother personally finds it boring and uninteresting, but I think it’s great. Yes, the story is pretty fluffy and not too thrilling but damn, is it ever beautiful to watch. The wardrobe, designed by Hubert de Givenchy, makes me weak in the knees. The film just epitomizes Upper East Side chic, with shots of the city in bright, vibrant, clean Technicolor. And did I mention that the perpetually-elegant Audrey Hepburn stars in this film? Enough said.  

WIN

These movies all have one thing in common: they were based off of fantastic books. Do yourself a favour and pick one up the next time you have time on your hands. With every dollar you spend at the movies or at the video store/bootleg DVD stand, you are voting for the type of movie you’d like to see made in the future. So please: don’t let your vote be for a bad one, or else you’ll have no one to blame but yourself when Twilight is made into a film and goes on to gross almost 400 million at the box offices. Oh wait…

xoxo Allyssia

a brief introduction to the “mashup”

Oh the mashup! The thrilling combination of songs to create something that sounds totally different. I first got into mashups when I heard the vocals to “Helena” by My Chemical Romance dubbed over the instrumentals (if you can call them that) from “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas. Though the segment I heard was only a 5 second demonstration of the mashup process (I still haven’t been able to find an official mashup of the track). Since then, looking up interesting and unexpected mashups online has become a frequent activity/ dangerous addiction for me.

In recent years there have been quite a few popular mashups making waves in the world of popular music. Collision Course, the incredible mashup album between nu metal band Linkin Park and rapper Jay-Z is a good example. But a lot of the best mashups are the ones that you haven’t heard of and don’t expect.

Bad mashups are the predictable ones that (shudder) don’t match up when it comes to beat and flow. Yikes.

In general, I divide mashups into four categories.

Underground vs. Underground

These are basically mashups between two songs and artists that aren’t very well known. If the song comes on, there’s a high chance that you won’t have any idea who either musician is. Heck, you might think you’re listening to an original track. Personally, I don’t listen to much in this field unless I know the songs involved because half the fun in listening to a mashup is identifying which elements came from which song.    

“Time to Pretend” by MGMT + “Listen” by Talib Kweli = “Time to Listen”

“Stuck On Repeat” by Little Boots + “In For The Kill” by La Roux = “Stuck on the Kill”

Mainstream vs. Mainstream

These are, in my opinion, some of the best to listen to. Since so many mainstream songs share the same formula, these ones are the easiest to combine and create something listenable. What’s weird is that this doesn’t only apply to upbeat songs. Mainstream songs can often make up for great, mellow mashups too.

“Bittersweet Symphony” by The Verve + “Dirt of Your Shoulder” by Jay-Z = “Bittersweet Dirt Off Your Shoulder”

“Pokerface” by Lady Gaga + “My Humps” by The Black Eyed Peas = “Hump My Pokerface”

Underground vs. Mainstream

These are my absolute favourite! They offer something to both the mainstream follower and the indie snob, and everything to the well-rounded worshipper of music in general. Also, I find that mashups of this nature are usually the best segways into a new world of musical options for mainstream kids, and I can only hope that the same goes for the indie kids.

“Bleeding Love” by Leona Lewis  + “That’s Not My Name” by the Ting Tings = “That’s Not My Bleeding Love”

“I’m A Flirt” by R. Kelly + “7/4 Shoreline” by Broken Social Scene = “I’m A Flirt 7/4 Shoreline”

Mainstream/Underground vs. Random

This category is mostly comprised up mashups involving a mainstream or underground song and…well, anything else actually. I’ve heard everything from old school songs, to sound effects, to TV theme songs to classical jams. Like the common university experimenter, these ones go both ways. They suck just as often as they’re awesome.

“In Da Club” by 50 Cent + “Staying Alive” by the Bee Gees = “In Da Club Alive”

“Golddigger” by Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx + Beethoven’s 5^th = Golddigger/Beethoven’s 5^th

 

 Enjoy the audio porn!

xoxo Allyssia

who am i to say? am i just a hypocrite, another piece of your bullshit?

This just amuses me to no end...

Gosh, I never get tired of apologizing for not posting. It has become like crack to me. I withdraw for a while and then take a sharp hit of it and everything’s all better.

Wow, that’s a quite a dark snippet of imagery!

But I actually am sorry for not posting as often as I used to during the  holidays. I’m getting back into the swing of things and trying to figure out how to balance my job, my classes, and my burgeoning social life (well, I guess it’s not burgeoning anymore. Not after the summer I’ve had. Success!) so please bear with me.

When I first started writing this blog, I always had to wonder: who exactly am I blogging for? Who am I expecting to stumble across this little project of mine and be awed by the story that is my ordinary life? At the time, I assumed that the answer was “no one”. I couldn’t imagine why (let alone how) anyone would take the time out of their day to read a site that isn’t already extremely popular, especially one made by teenaged geek with a passion for fashion and voicing her opinions. Apparently I was wrong.

When I came to Ryerson for my orientation and introduced myself to some of my peers, quite a few people confessed to following my posts regularly, something that I wasn’t expecting. I mean, writing for yourself is one thing, but being read on a regular basis by others and having them actually like what you’re writing is quite another. But the story gets better…

Today I received an email from a PR person representing an independent record label asking me if it would be at all possible to have me interview a band she’s representing and post it on my blog. At first I thought it was a horrible joke or a terribly sweet attempt to make me feel better on behalf of my brother. Needless to say, it wasn’t. (I’ll be posting an interview with the band at some point in the near future.)

After reading the email I suddenly felt the urge to revamp my whole blog and make it more user-friendly, more interesting and, above all, more focused, but then I realized that whoever keeps stumbling upon Ironic Smirk  (which started as nothing more than a home to my rants, raves, and confessions) can probably put up with  my humble blog for what it is.

 If they want more fashion news, they can head over to The Cut (http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/). If they want strictly indie music news, they can check out Grayowl Point (http://www.glasspaperweight.wordpress.com). Or if they just want to find out what’s going on in my life, they’re more than welcome to stalk me on Facebook. (Really! I’ll never know!) But for the whole exotic melange, there’s only one place on Earth to look…

Anyways, with all of this blogger bravado building up in my belly (gosh, alliteration is so infrequently used nowadays) I feel that I should be signing off with a song that’ll make you, whoever you are, feel as awesome as I do now. So here’s “Do the Dog” by The Specials, who I can’t believe I’ve only posted once. They’re a really great band from the Two-Tone Ska “era” and one of my all time favourites. Check ‘em out and enjoy!

xoxo Allyssia

i got a man to stick it out and make a home of a rented house

I need to apologize for not updating frequently these last few days. I’ve been very busy moving into my new place and adapting to this life of accountability and domestic labour that we call “living on your own”. So far it has been a fun ride filled with new, often fun experiences. One thing that this life has not been cohesive with is regular blog updates. I can hardly find the required hour of free time to work on an informed post. Hell, I can hardly find 15 minutes to work on an informal rant! I guess feel pretty bad about that.

Anyways, school starts tomorrow. Sitting here in my new apartment, looking out of my massive window at the oddly beautiful landscape of high-rises and inky blue skies, it’s hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my summer is over. Soon it’s back to books, teachers, and friends, only this time the books, teachers, and friends will be new. I like ‘new’. The ‘old’ got boring a long time ago. Here’s to new beginnings!

THINGS THAT SUCK

• Building furniture alone

So since I moved in last Thursday, I’ve been tackling the awesome task of building my bedroom furniture. Only today, a full week later, can I proudly say that it’s all done. But I could not have done this alone. EVER. Luckily, a high school chum of mine (who has spent so many days here that I feel like we’re in a Boston marriage), and some new, very patient friends were willing to come over and help me put it all together. All I had to do by myself was lay down my bed slats and throw the mattress on to bed. It was hell. By the time I was done (two hours later) I was covered in sweat and felt like kicking in a door. I don’t know how I would have been able to handle doing it all alone. I cannot thank those who helped me enough.

• “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus

I had the misfortune of coming across this track online recently. It’s cheesy and terrible in a way that, believe or not, isn’t even fit for Mademoiselle Cyrus. The lyrics are bland at best, but I can understand why little children would be willing to clap their hands and chant along with it. I mean, what nine year-old doesn’t want to “Yeah! It’s a party in the USA”? None that I know! But what I don’t understand is how Cyrus, who claims to want to make music that is more mature and grown-up (grown up enough to work a brass pole, obviously) would put out a song that wouldn’t get her any respect in the world of actual musicians. Also, why is she singing a song about being a bumpkin who somehow made it in Hollywood? I swear that was the point of the Hannah Montana flick. We get it: you’re from a family of hicks and you’re now famous. Stop with the shitty music and maybe we’ll start caring again.

• Jumping onto a bed with no support slats

I tried it. Don’t do it.

THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME

• Avant-garde classroom movies

I just found out today that one of the works that we’ll be studying in one of my classes is “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead”. To make that even more delightful, we’ll also be required to watch the 1990 film adaptation which, interestingly enough, was directed and written by Tom Stoppard, the man who wrote the namesake play. For those of you who haven’t heard of this little-known film (only one person that I’ve mentioned it to had ever seen it) is a sort of existential tragicomedy starring Gary Oldman and Tim Roth as the protagonists, which is interesting as they were tertiary characters in Hamlet, where they made their first appearance. The movie gives a look at what the two may have been going through and thinking as the drama went down at the castle. Though it is not available on YouTube (believe me, I’ve looked), it’s worth going out to find.

• Figuring out ways to calm down with your friends

So while I was trying to put together my bed on Thursday with the help of my two lovely, female assistants, we hit a snag that none of us were strong enough to fix. Luckily for us, we had someone who was an expert of mellowing out in our presence, so soon enough we were laughing and fooling around, effectively bringing us to a state worthy of rational thinking. That’s when we called over a guy to help us because, as one of us pronounced in defeat, “Girls suck”. I guess I disproved that by putting together the rest of the furniture, but I shan’t hold that against her.

• Cooking your own meals

It’s way more rewarding that I’d ever imagined. In the past few days I’ve made both quesadillas and baked (and shaken) chicken for myself AND other people. I think I could get used to this…
So the song for today (or these past few days) is “Mushaboom” by Feist, which always makes me thinking about moving in and starting a new, quaint little life which I guess is what I’m doing now. I’ll try to keep you posted on how this wild ride is going.

xoxo Allyssia

it’s my life and i’ll do what i want

September 1st is finally here, heralding the end of the student summer holidays. To be honest, I’m not that upset about it because, to be honest, I’m looking forward to school. I can’t wait to start my studies at Ryerson’s Journalism School next week. But even though starting university is a big landmark for any student, I’m facing an even bigger one: moving out.

Yes, in a few days I’ll be moving into an apartment closer to school. I’ve spent the last week or so packing my things, trying without success to determine what I need to live and what I can live without. I’m extremely anxious about the move. Like most kids my age, this’ll be my first time living alone, but unlike the majority of them, I won’t be doing it on residence with loads of social butterflies looking to have dorm parties. But I can deal. I just don’t know what I’ll do without all the conveniences of home. Like the meals cooked by other people, or the free laundry machine. Or the wall-mounted flat screen and the fireplace. Or the…I need to stop thinking this way.

Anyways, the point of the matter is that I’m at a turning point and I’m not just talking about my education or my living arrangements. I am a firm believer in the idea that we can always improve ourselves, and it’s something that I constantly strive to do. At times like these (in the past it has usually been the start of the new school year) I try to give myself things to work on or goals to try to accomplish. To me, it doesn’t really matter whether or not I accomplish every goal on my list. The list is sort of a reminder to go out there and work hard and try things. Same goes for my list of summer goals.

So far my list of goals for this year is pretty small. Interview bands, go to more shows, keep my fantastic job at Indigo, learn to cook – simple stuff, really. But we’ll see where I am when school starts.

For your listening pleasure, here’s “It’s My Life” by The Animals, which is one of my favourite bands of all time. I like them way more than The Beatles, who were their overexposed contemporaries. Enjoy…

xoxo Allyssia

The Worst/Most Popular Songs of Summer ‘09

Working at Orange Dingo taught me a lot. I learned how to use an industrial sewing machine, work with others, and all sorts of practical things, but the main thing it taught me was why to hate mainstream music.  Allow me to explain.

As I’ve posted previously, the radio was constantly blasting this horrible radio station called Virgin Radio 99.9. Now, for a company that has so many musicians signed to its record label, they played the same songs a hell of a lot. But apparently those songs are the hits of summer. Honestly, I can’t understand why. Keep reading for a sort of “breakdown” of the top 5 songs that are supposed to be the soundtrack to our summer.

1. “I Gotta Feeling’” – Black Eyed Peas: Ah, if only this song’s flaws ended with its grammatically incorrect title. But alas! Tis not so. With this song, the Black Eyes Peas were able to prove that yes, they are indeed the masters of creating fluffy, annoying music and making it sell. The vocals are generic and sing-song. They name the days of the week more than once. Their voices are over-Tuned. Now, I’d be able to accept this from say, the Pussycat Dolls, but BEP fails to convince me that their “feeling” is more than a hunch. I mean, the youngest members of the band are 34 years old, and I do not like my middle-aged folks singing “let’s get crunk”. God, who would’ve thought a once underground, conscious hip-hop group would go on to produce this. FAIL

Better dance song: Heads Will Roll – Yeah Yeah Yeahs

2. “Paparazzi” – Lady Gaga: I love Lady Gaga, a fact that I proudly announce to anyone who asks. I think she has cracked the pop culture/music formula (which is actually harder than you’d think) and has managed to become highly successful by exploiting it. And her songs are fun! This one in particular was my second favourite when I first bought the CD last summer (“Pokerface” was the best song to me). The majority of the lyrics actually make sense (though even I couldn’t tell you what the “purple tear drops” thing was about) and tell a story, which is a definite plus. And did I mention that the song is fun? It’s a great song to live along to with your fags and hags. WIN

Even BETTER synthpop song: Bulletproof – La Roux

3. “You Belong With Me” – Taylor Swift: What fresh hell is this?  Actually, therein lays the problem. This song isn’t fresh at all. It’s just another pseudo-passionate love song about boy troubles, which seems to be all Ms. Swift can ever sing about. In this song she laments that the boy she likes is with a superficial, cheerleading, heel-wearing, short skirt-clad bimbo with no sense of humour, when he should be with her. Great use of stereotypes, blondie! FAIL

Better unrequited love song: Auf Achse – Franz Ferdinand

4. “Fire Burnin’” – Sean Kingston: After shamefully sampling “Stand By Me” a couple summers ago, Sean Kingston is back with this electro-pop meets reggae disaster. This song is produced by the same person who produced “Pokerface” but is nowhere near as good. Yes, the song’s hook is catchy, but Kingston’s lyrics are as annoying as synthesized vocals and contrived image. I can see this song becoming an, ahem, “club banger”, but that doesn’t qualify it as a good song. Being popular is like receiving a VMA: it means nothing. FAIL

Better reggae fusion song: Now That You Got It – Gwen Stefani ft. Damian Marley

5. “Waking Up In Vegas” – Katy Perry: Yay! Another song from everyone’s favourite fruit aficionado. Last summer she was all over the radio with the oh-so controversial “I Kissed a Girl”, and now she’s back with the equally annoying albeit substantially less controversial “Waking Up In Vegas”. I would describe the song to you, but why should I? To get the gist of the song read the title and pick up a copy of Us Weekly. The song is catchy, as all of these songs are, but will ultimately be forgotten and never mentioned again, unlike her debut which came out over a year ago. Talk about peeking early! FAIL

Better song about Vegas: Vegas – Clubstrophobia

These songs and others like them are the reason why I can’t stand the radio. Letr us hope that fall offers more promisinf hits. I would have included videos for all of the better songs, but that would’ve taken up a lot of room. I can confirm that all of these are easily findable on youtube if you just look them up.

xoxo Allyssia